CASE If I’m not mistaken, I read in a book by Fyodor Dostoyevsky: “Being rich or being born is not in your hands, it’s fate.” This is how the story begins. The
Sarvinoz Tuliyeva
Maghrib prayer
The sound coming from the mosque was all around. The fact that our house was near the mosque gave us the happiness of hearing the call to prayer 5 times a day. In the streets, many children skied and dusted, they didn’t care about the lateness and the calls of their mothers, after all, they are living in the happiest childhood! Why? I don’t know, the evening call to prayer called me so much, to think, to imagine, to take my soul far away and drown in the infinity, these experiences were happening when the voice of the call to prayer “Allahu Akbar” rang out inside me… At that time, from the window of my house How old am I? What age did I curse? There were questions about whether I am a child or not? After all, I just turned 20 (yes, 20). This is a big age for some people, maybe this age is the last years of childhood, but a human being always spends his youth thinking that he is young at heart. At times like this, I laugh at the thought that I will become a philosopher, in fact, you don’t need philosophy or doctorate titles, you need childhood in children; If I run and jump from my house, if I cross the dirt to heights, and if I kick a ball… (Hona’s door is opened)
– My silver is near the window. What are you doing?
– How are you? I repeat this word to you many times a day and it doesn’t bother you at all, you always say, girl, if you’re good, I’m good, right?
– Of course, the light of my eyes, my angel, my jewel, my silver, you are my greatest wealth, by the way, come downstairs, your sister came to have a little argument with you, she brought watermelon and melon, we set the table – is it a dream, my child?
“Yes, go now,” I said.
I slowly pulled the curtain on my window. I can’t say that our house is modern, but it is livable. In winter, it gets very cold, in autumn, it barely withstands the wind, and in the rain, straw walls fall down, and the roof gets into the house. Do you know what’s interesting? We put a bowl, a plate, a bucket on the ground for drops. Our house is almost like this, I don’t complain about it because there are so many homeless people in this world. we have a chorpiya, they are in the house, while I was turning my stroller, the balloons got muddy, water was sprinkled on the ground to prevent dust from coming out, there were concrete sidewalks next to our house, there was only a lot of dirt, I walked over the dirt and went to them.
If you noticed, I am disabled, usually I can’t stand without the help of a wheelchair or crutches, this pain was related to an accident, and for the past 2 years, I am a girl who has been living thankfully. I fell in love at the age of 18 and suffered from love after that, the main thing was that the guy rejected me because of my disability, this was the second blow that crippled my soul… “If they disable the feeling and hope in your heart, you will sink into huge abysses.” Maybe as a result of this, I have become a girl who does not leave the room and only looks out the window and writes poems and stories. I am still looking at the tree next to our house from my dear window. Do you know what disability is? “It’s the fact that you can’t relieve yourself, you’re always bothering someone, you can’t run, you can’t jump, but it’s a general incompetence…
When your mother is still around you in her old age, and her hair is white, sitting in your pram in the distance, watching her run to this job before she has time, people will look at you with pity and look at you as if you have committed a sin in society. It’s hard to feel it, to feel it inside you.
In fact, I am a dreamer, I fly in my dreams. By the way, I told you about the poem, but I didn’t tell you how my Friday morning started today, I usually go to bed late and get up early, I don’t sleep well, I mutter to myself, “If I’m disabled, I’ll have insomnia at least.” this is my small complaint.
My Friday morning started with describing my family to you: In our family, my father is a strict person, for my father, you would be perfect if you were at least a robot, things should be done often, even the smallest details should be perfect, at least for this reason, there are no quarrels in our house, a young family I would understand if we were young, but we have been married for 27 years. My sister married early and has 3 children. You can understand that her family doesn’t give up on them either, so they are guests at our place every other day. But the reason is probably that we don’t understand each other. I think so; Yes, one more thing, usually on Fridays, my moon takes me out, so that I don’t get too tired, we go for a walk in the stroller. Today, as I said, is Friday; We were walking on the side of the road, and at that time the cars were honking, we couldn’t walk on the side of the road any longer because the road is very narrow, the driver got so angry that he yelled at my mom and drove past us, it was very painful. and it was a situation that made people angry, we continued, while I was sitting in my wheelchair, I begged how my leg would go, “I tried to move my leg, but I didn’t feel anything, nothing.” there was a load of irons,) I was looking at my mother in the store, some people looked at me with pity and others looked at me with disgust, this is actually a different feeling…
Do you know…?
In these 2 years, I didn’t feel sorry for myself, I only felt sorry for my mother, as if she didn’t take care of herself when I was a baby, even when I grew up, I became her problem. Sometimes they fight with each other or my father may exaggerate the quarrel, but inside, my father is very kind. My mother came out of the store, and we left, and there was the call to prayer for the evening prayer… The sun is getting tired all day and sinking to the horizon – it is closer to my heart than ever, it is because of the flowers in my yard and the call to prayer of the mosque. Why exactly this time? why evening prayer? It may be that I had an accident during the evening prayer, my heart always beats differently during the evening prayer, only the call to prayer calls to me and the papers near my window tell me to write, only at that time my pencils write on their own. Until today, I lived oppressed by the pains given to my heart, I complained, I even prayed for my death at night, instead of making beautiful intentions on my birthday, I said, take my life until my next birthday, so that my next life will not be drowned in sins. today I dreamed for a long time, I became a street, and I realized that in the wrinkles on my parents’ faces, I saw that they love me and spend their lives to make me happy, I was unfair, in every word I wrote and everything I thought, this is actually treason It was a betrayal to myself, to my parents, to the life that God gave me. It was a gift for me to understand this if there was a sign shown by God. I felt happy. I still have a bad language like a driver on the street, or people with a beautiful face, body and stature, I was very happy, and I was thankful that my heart is not as dirty as their heart, even if I have a little. and their eyes always see and want more and more. at the end of my story, I want to tell you that if you are reading this, seeing and feeling what I have written, and most importantly, breathing out without difficulty, you are the happiest, if you ever see people like me, you will be very unhappy. don’t think it is
After all, everyone feels happiness in their own world…
Wow! And again, “call to evening prayer”
here are the same children! …
Do you hear…?
I hear…
